You Only Control Your Own Behavior

There are some days I don’t know what direction to go in. Lost in mundane details and mind numbing obligations, I can easily forget what path I should be on. I have a co-worker who is, lets say difficult, to deal with. Some days its fine, other days are like working with a horrible rash on your butt. You are uncomfortable, it’s a general pain, and it occupies your every thought and move. I think she is, in general, an unhappy person. Things need to be difficult so she can be a hero and fix them, and she needs to control and manipulate the situation, every time. Overbearing, untrusting, and cranky. She snapped at me today, and I instantly discovered several things about myself. I won’t talk to anyone like that. I don’t like conflict at work. I enjoy being social and friendly with all people. I don’t stand up for myself enough. I let people burn me, over and over. I think of great things I should have said, hours later. I don’t want to be a bitter person. I have good intentions, always. I am good at everything I do. My self confidence is in poor shape. As I struggle with her behavior toward me, I remember something that my speech communication professor said each semester in college. Dr. Palowski started the semester with this saying and ended it the same way: “You only control your own behavior.” So I bit my tongue, let her get cranky at me, tried to say the right things in a nice political and polite manor. But what I really wanted to do was to put her in her place and bite her right back. And I didn’t. I regret many of those moments in my life where I should say something, but I don’t. This was another of those moments. For co-workers looking on, they see me being nice, and understanding about it all, but part of me would have loved to let them see the spicy side of me and tell this old hag to back off. But I’m not that kind of employee I guess. I will go home, and still struggle with this, I have let her win and control the situation, again. I have to realize what is truly important. What road I really should be on, and let’s face it, it’s not this one. It’s not the bitter road of disappointment. It should be the road heading to joy. Sometimes you have to cut things out of your life that aren’t healthy. I have chosen to cut the personal connection that I try to have with this person, and from here on out, tell her like it is. No more lying down and taking it, I don’t want to be that person. For years, I have let my self-loathing turn me into something I am not. Eating to make me full and I am never full only fat. Lying down and taking crap because I have always felt less of a person, or less important than someone next to me. I won’t stop being nice, that is just not how I am made. I just won’t let anyone abuse me and twist me, it’s time to take a stand for me. Read something interesting today: Life is full of serendipitous and surprising detours, not all of them easily accepted at the moment…Usually, we’re minding our own business and, quite suddenly, we encounter the unexpected. These things happen in our lives every day, and we have the choice to either embrace our experience with a sense of trust or spend our energies fighting the inevitable. We can respond to challenges and opportunities with “Why me?” or…”Why not?” -Luci Swindoll