Sleek, Smooth, Silver and Blue Pen

I am sitting at my desk today, blending into the cubicle just like I am another fixture. No different than the other drones click clacking away on their computers. I think I am starting to look like my beige colored file cabinet or the stack of yellow sticky notes. I look down at the pile of things I am behind on and instantly feel the weight of the stack on my shoulders. It will surely continue to numb my brain and keep me barred down as another one of the drones.
On the pile sits my one year anniversary gift. A sleek, smooth, silver and blue, reminder of my year of dedication and hard work. A sleek, smooth, silver and blue, pen. Of course printed on it is the company name. Turning myself into a clone and a permanent fixture of the cubicle, hours away from home, only breaking away to run to the bathroom, or grab so sorry excuse for lunch, I get a pen. Oh yeah, I get paid too, so maybe it's an even trade.
I roll the pen back and forth across the pile and wonder what good am I doing? What am I really giving? Who am I really benefiting? I'm not sure. I thought I knew at one time. I thought before it was what you put out that mattered. But I am looking at the stack next to me, rolling the pen across, and I am wondering all over again who I really am benefiting. Who I really am beneath the stack and pen.
I struggle to keep my individuality alive. I need to, I don't want to get lost in the very stack that is pressing in on me. Pictures in my cube of what really matters to me. Short emails to my friends where I add clipart of lovely flowers and pictures to brighten their days. Colorful artwork from my son lining the walls of my cubicle/tomb. Small trinkets that keep me reminded of who I am, the coffee cup I bought myself for my birthday. The small giraffe figurine from the time we took Joey to the zoo and the emails I send to myself from home, loaded with pictures of my boys. And when I am feeling really beige like the file cabinet, I call my husband on his cell phone and just hearing his voice turns me back into the pink color I normally am.
But in the back of mind, even when I push it back behind all the other thoughts and list of things that need to be done, and back behind the schedule, the memories, and educational tips, is that nagging thought that I am not doing any benefit to anyone. Maybe I always think I need to live on a bigger scale, I forget it is the small details in life that really matter. Making chicken soup for sick neighbors and putting band aids on tiny tiny scrapes, just to make it feel better. Taking your kids to the park and pausing for a moment in the kitchen at home to tell your husband how much you admire him, or glance out the window and the beautiful Iris in your garden.
Some people get to live big lives, and benefit hundreds of thousands. I live a small life, where my sphere of influence is much smaller and once in awhile I have to remember that my sphere is just as important as the rest.
So I see the sleek, smooth, blue and silver pen imprinted with the company name, and realize that it has such little significance, but so much can come from it. A love note, signing the last check for your mortgage, writing an epic novel, filling in a birthday card, or signing your name to your hard work.
"The key is not to change what you do, but to change your attitude toward what you do. When you being doing these tasks, realize that you are doing them for God. Use it an opportunity to worship Him through acts of service. When you do, you will discover pleasure even in taking out the trash.." -Joel Osteen