Super Star Life of the Unemployed

I've been unemployed since January 3rd.  People say things like, enjoy your time off, what are you going to do with yourself?  Your kids must love that you are home.  Yep,my thoughts exactly...yeah right.

I am living the leisure life of the super star unemployed.  I wake up, take the kids to school, come home, and typically as I stand in the shower I decide do I shave my legs or not today?  They are minorly prickly, I mean they don't irritate me when I try to sleep at night yet, but shaving my legs would burn about 3 minutes out of my morning.  So why not shave.  While I am in the shower I decide to reorganize the toothbrushes, toothpaste, and shampoo.  Ah yes...the leisure life.

I sit each morning in front of the computer, scanning for jobs worthy enough for me to apply for.  Do I apply for the entry level secretary job or do I shoot for the director of financial analysis.  Yep, I'm either over qualified or under qualified.  So I close the laptop and immerse myself in terrible day time TV.  Usually an episode of Say Yes to the Dress, or Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and I just find the Style Network, and they have show called Ruby and Too Fat for Fifteen.  If I am lucky, I catch a four hour run of Roseanne.  Ah yes, the leisure life.

I find myself meandering Wal-Mart for two hours, putting only milk, yogurt, and clearance bread in my cart.  I'm on an unemployed budget, and I can meander Wal-Mart all I want, smelling the different candles, caressing the sheets, and holding jammies up to myself, but buying them is out of the question.

I somehow get pulled into helping out at the boys school.  I mean really, how many mom's show up with hot chocolate and marshmallow's for holiday parties?  Yep, just me.  And I even found time to cut fabric for aprons, and for fun, I cut my finger so I can sit in the ER and visit the people there while I got 5 stitches. Ah the leisure life.

Last week I went to 5 yoga classes in 4 days, cleaned underneath my bed, scrubbed the only toilet we have at least 3 times, vacuumed so much that the tracks are permanent.  All the winter hats and gloves are matched appropriately, all the socks have been matched up, and even the dogs are clean.  I found myself wondering if I could paint the living room while the cookies are baking.  Ah the leisure life.

I found myself mixing a margarita at 10:45am one day....hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere right?  It was worth it!  Then there are days like today where I stayed in my jammies until 1pm, but all the laundry did get done.  They there are days that I have make-up on and hair done before I drop the kids off at 8am.  I have a project list of things to accomplish.  But I am finding that now I even sit on hold for 2 hours with unemployment, just to hear a human voice.  Ah the leisure life.

I hope I didn't blow the lid off of people's dreams about the life of the unemployed.  It's obviously a very leisurely life.  Pretty soon I will pick up horse back riding lessons, and pottery classes, all while I am interviewing live in nanny's.  I mean really, who can afford to work these days when there are so many pressing issues in the life of the leisure, like do I wipe the shelves of the fridge today, or do I clean the lint trap on the dryer?  Do I re-caulk the tub?  What about taking time to floss twice a day?  Ah the leisure life!