Pirate Life for Me!

I enjoy people watching.  It's interesting because you just never know what you're going to see and where.  I spent the day yesterday running a few errands, getting my hair cut, going to Sunflower Market, stopping at Wal-Mart.  As we all know Wal-Mart is the most awesome place to people watch, but I am starting to believe that the Dollar Tree is right up there with Wal-Mart.

I was at the Dollar Tree buying fake greenery and flowers for a school project for my youngest.  I had his class paint terra cotta pots for the schools auction, and I thought the fake flowers would add just a touch to them.  As I am browsing the Dollar Tree, checking out the plastic containers, school supplies, and cheaply made toys from China, I keep hearing this awful, flemy, throat clearing sound coming from a few isles over.  No matter where I walked to, I kept hearing it not far from me.  I tried humming so I wouldn't have to hear it.  It was awful...like a 2 pack a day smoker, who has smoked for 50+ years, just constantly clearing their throat and on occasion there was a hacking that followed.  Ugh...just got chills thinking about it.

I stood on my tip toes to look over the isle.  No one there, I craned my neck, no one at the check out.  I hear nothing, so I move to the next isle, just browsing away, and then I hear the wretched throat clearing again.  It was a sound worse than nails on a chalk board.  Worse than an alarm clock or smoke detector.  This sound came from the bowels, and it would seem to linger in your ears after it was over.  Every 30 seconds or so, you'd hear it again.  Again, I stand up on my tip toes, I see the cashier, I see some lady with her kid, but none of these people show the signs of being a flemy throat clearer.

I round the next corner and in front of me is this little old lady, haunched over the gift bags and party supplies, she stands to face me, and she's as wrinkled as sheets that have been on an unmade bed for weeks, her skin is blotchy, partially tan, and worn looking.  As she looks at me, she hung onto her cart and massive purse like her life depended on it, and began to clear her throat again.  Ahhh...YES...I found the source.  I mildly felt bad for the old woman, obviously her later years in life had not been kind to her.  But the most striking thing about this little old woman who could barely see over her Dollar Tree cart, was the fact that she was wearing an eye patch.  Not like an eye patch, I was just at the doctors office and he put eye drops in, but an eye patch like she was Captain Jack Sparrow, an eye patch like she just rolled into port on her pirate ship.  Like she had spent time on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean and loved the props.  It was a leathery, worn, pirates eye patch.  Straight from the movie Goonies, the scene where Mikey lifts One Eyed Willy's eye patch...minus the jewels.  It took all I had not to look at her and yell....ARRGGHHH Me Matey!

I passed her quietly, mumbling excuse me as I squeezed by, my heart racing, holding my breath, my hands getting all sweaty...don't do it...don't say it, don't ask her if she has a pirate ship near by.  I squeeze by her, take my items to the check out and bust out of there as quickly as I can.

You just never know what your day will bring you.  Who knew I'd be at the Dollar Tree and run into Captain Jack Sparrow's mom!  Gotta love people watching! I wonder what tomorrow may bring.